{Playlist} It Was Not Death... - Suzie Costello

[superiorspectre]

The multiverse-spanning Suzie playlist, for the many, many facets of a rather complex, broken, and still very dangerous woman.

A ~ B ~ C ~ D ~ E ~ F ~ G ~ H ~ I ~ J ~ K ~ L ~ M ~ N ~ O ~ P ~ Q ~ R ~ S ~ T ~ U ~ V ~ W ~ X ~ Y ~ Z ~ #

Bad Wisdom - Suzanne Vega (Lyrics)

Mother the doctor knows something is wrong
Cause my body has strange information
He's looked in my eyes and knows I'm not a child
But he doesn't dare ask the right question

Mother my friends are no longer my friends
And the games we once played have no meaning
I've gone serious and shy and they can't figure why
So they've left me to my own daydreaming

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson (YouTube)

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

The Big Issue - Chumbawamba (YouTube)

She's been born into the wrong time
She keeps nonsense on her mind
She's a poet, she's a builder
She's as bored as bored can be
She's a have-not, she's a know-all
She knows just how to say yes
She's skating frozen chaos
Till the no-good gods are dead

But sometimes in the dead of night
Woken by the city lights
She wonders how she keeps alive...

Big Space - Suzanne Vega (YouTube)

Beyond the duty and the discipline
I know there's anger in a cold place
All feelings fall into the big space
Swept up like garbage on the week-end

Between the pen and the paperwork
There must be passion in the language
Between the muscle and the brain work
There must be feeling in the pipeline

Blind Faith - Beverly Craven (YouTube - Live)

He told me I was a fool and another dreamer
I nearly believed him for a while
He'd give an opinion with such conviction
I assumed that he was right
Now I know, I'm in control
But I could have been taken over
I was all mixed up about love
Now I've taken back my trust

Blood Makes Noise - Suzanne Vega (YouTube)

I'd like to help you Doctor
Yes I really really would
But the din in my head
It's too much and it's no good
I'm standing in a windy tunnel
Shouting through the roar
And I'd like to give the information
You're asking for

But blood makes noise
It's a ringing in my ear
Blood makes noise
And I can't really hear you
In the thickening of fear

Breath From Another - Esthero (YouTube)

( Excerpt fom Deliverance : You sure do got a pretty mouth
why don't you drop my pants i'll make you squeal like a pig )

Feet in the water is not cold enough - you're not woman enough
Inside your daughter is not warm enough - and you're not woman enough, no

Don't compromise what's gold
For the soul you never sold
For the soul you never sold, no

Charlotte Sometimes - The Cure (YouTube)

On that bleak track
(See the sun is gone again)
The tears were pouring down her face
She was crying and crying for a girl
Who died so many years before...

Circles - Angels and Agony (YouTube)

My innocence and patience
Enclosed by this rage
Within my world of reason
I am seeing blind
I find myself entangled
In my own web of thoughts
As extension and completion
Of what I must become

City of Marrow - SJ Tucker (YouTube - Live)

Beauty is lost in translation
No savoring what is devoured
We become what we have eaten
I look at my lover and only see bones
No one looks under the skin anymore
There's only the wind now
There's only the wind now...

Code Red - Tori Amos (YouTube - Live)

Some say that I will and some say I won't
Victory is an elusive whore
She is as easily mine
As she is yours

Slip and slide my way through this charade
I know all the players and I must say
Do this long enough
You get a taste for it

Control - Poe (YouTube)

Don't you mess with a little girl's dream
'Cause she's liable to grow up mean

Surprised you to find that I'm laughing?
You thought that you'd find me in tears
You thought I'd be crawling the walls
Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear

Criminal - Fiona Apple (YouTube)

Don't you tell me to deny it
I've done wrong and I want to suffer for my sins
I've come to you 'cause I need guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin

Dead is the New Alive - Emilie Autumn (YouTube)

Dead is the new alive
Despair's the new survival
A pointless point of view
Give in, give in, give in, give in
You play the game
You'll never win

Duende - Delerium (YouTube)

Desperate panicked calls
[The wind can't hear me]
Muffled weak and small
[The sand can't hear me]
Pleading, groping hands
[The truth can't hear me]
Bleeding in the sand
[Your heart can't hear me]

Effigy - Natalie Merchant (YouTube - unrelated fanvid)

I'm an effigy
A parody of
Who I appear to be
Put your flaming torches under me

Endless so far in myself, follow me

Everyone Who Casts a Shadow - Wolfsheim (YouTube)

Everyone who casts a shadow
Seems to stand in the sun
And when your step leaves a track
You seem to be going on
I know myself, I know my shades
But I don't see no light
And if there's a track
It means no turning back...
No matter what you try

Fallen - Sarah McLachlan (YouTube)

I'm lost to these I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Fear - Sarah McLachlan (YouTube)

But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
Here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There's nothing I'd like
Better than to fall
But I fear I have nothing to give

Fierce Flawless - Ani Difranco (YouTube - Unrelated Fanvid)

She was cuffed to the truth like the truth was a chair
With a bright interrogation light in her eyes.
And her conscience with a cigarette just stood there,
Waiting for her to crack, waiting for her to cry.
His face scampered through the room like a roach across a wall.
Yeah, they made her skin sore. yeah, they made her skin crawl.
They said, "we got this confession. we just need for you to sign.
Why don't you just cooperate? make this easier on us all?"

Formerly Known As - Kendall Payne (Box.net - download)

Reputations from my past chained so tight
You break free you break fast on my decision tonight

Formerly known as Nothing and No One
Formerly known as Lost
I've been sold to lies I've been
told by former generations

Gotta Knock a Little Harder - Yoko Kanno (YouTube)

Suddenly it occurred to me
The reason for the run and hide
Had totaled my existence
Everything left on the other side
Could never be much worse that this
But could I go the distance?

Gravity - The Dresden Dolls (YouTube)

Gravity plays favorites, I know it cause I saw
Honest to god, Officer, it's awful
Down at work I'm getting too familiar with the floor
Showing off my talents by the mouthful

Hate to break it to you but it's out of my control
Forces go to work while we are sleeping
If I could attack with a more sensible approach
Obviously that's what I'd be doing

Hallelujah - Amanda Palmer [Leonard Cohen cover] (YouTube - Live)

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Have You Got It In You? - Imogen Heap (YouTube)

It takes a lot...to be always on form...
It takes a lot.
I maybe not... all the time, all I've got...
Maybe not.

Been one of those days...
Safety first, don't push... what's the hurry?
One nerve remaining, waiting on one look... have you got it?
Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?

Hollow Like My Soul - Emilie Autumn (YouTube)

You think that you'll get by
You will die
You will cry
When you think that you'll survive
Just don't try
Run and hide
My eyes are hollow like my soul

I Want My Innocence Back - Emilie Autumn (YouTube)

I want my innocence back
And if you can't give it to me
I will cut you down
And I will run you through
With the dagger you sharpened
On my body and soul
Before you slit me in two
And then devoured me whole

If I Survive - Hybrid (YouTube)

I'll find a new life and hide, if I survive
I'll find my own place in time, if I survive
I'll learn to forget the crime, if I survive
But I swear you're going down if I survive

In Repair - John Mayer (YouTube - Live)

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

In the Shadows - The Rasmus (YouTube - Torchwood Fanvid)

They say
That I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I
I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

Invasion - Eisley (YouTube - Live)

Ooh, something's not right
I can feel it inside
Something's not right
You would take the breath from my throat
And you would take the cherished people that I hold

Lady of the Flowers - Placebo (YouTube)

She wears her tears on her blouse
Confused and racked with self-doubt
She stole the keys to my house
And then she locked herself out

Larissa's Lagoon - Idina Menzel (YouTube)

Down in Larissa's lagoon
Her guests; they sleep in separate rooms
But her father comes to tuck her into bed
She's lost her mind
Got no control
And there's nowhere else to go
When her father comes to tuck her into bed

Looking for Something - Era (YouTube)

Looking for something
I wanna share something
I wanna feel
Something won
Something real
Something exciting...

Metal Heart - Garbage (YouTube)

I wish I had a metal heart
I could cross the line
I wish that I was half as good
As you think I am

Now that we know for sure
They're telling lies when they say
No one gets hurt
And therefore nobody dies

Mindcircus - Way Out West (YouTube)

So come along within,
I think it's time to let me in,
I'm tipping my foot very close to the edge,
And just a few more of your seconds,
And I need for me to repair
To neatly stand and spin it around in my head,

Oh can I please have some silence,
How about some space?
Can I have some space?

Monochrome - Collide (YouTube)

I see threes
You're tempting me
What a deal, you see
Your "I see all"
What a deal
Lunacy in the yard
Who do you think you are?
I see all my increments in monochrome
Who decides the weeks spin by
Balancing the wheel?
Curious... send me a sign

No Good Deed - Idina Menzel (YouTube)

One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did

No Good, No More - Eleni Mandell (Yahoo! Music)

I won't be good anymore
I'll tramp around successfully
I'll bare my teeth, dear, hungrily
Until I find you pity me
Much stronger, I will lock my jaws
And tear myself a hole
I can't go on, unbutton my coat
I won't be good anymore

Numb - Switchblade Symphony (Lyrics)

To look at her makes me shiver
I can see right through her eyes in her mind
She is tongue tied, she won't make a sound
And believes she can only hide when I turn away

This imagery is haunting me
She won't fly away
She calls me so pleadingly
But I don't, but I don't know her name

Ophelia - Tori Amos (YouTube)

Ophelia your secret is safe
Ophelia you must break the chain
Some girls will get their way
Some fathers will control from the grave
Ophelia you must remember

Pages - Assemblage 23 (Lyrics)

I read your mind
But it wasn't a very interesting read
The plot was contrived
And the characters were too consumed by need
[...]
The fairy tale you sell is a lie
But I read the truth behind your eyes
These words just don't ring true
And tell me all I need to know about you

Papercut - Linkin Park (YouTube)

You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)

Perfect - Alanis Morrissette (YouTube - Still Photos)

How long before you screw it up?
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

Perfect Enemy - t.A.T.u. (YouTube - Unrelated Fanvid)

Why should I welcome
Your domination?
Why should I listen
To explanations?
I'm not pretending
To make it simple
Try to be something
Experimental

Professional Widow - Tori Amos (YouTube - Tori Video Montage)

Starfucker just like my Daddy
Just like my Daddy selling his baby
Just like my Daddy
Gonna strike a deal made him feel
Like a congressman
It runs in the family

Rest your shoulder Peaches and Cream
Everywhere a Judas as far as you can see

Room of Angel - Akira Yamaoka with Mary Elizabeth McGlynn

If I had died I would have never felt sad at all,
You will not hear me say 'I'm sorry'
where is the light, wonder if it's weeping somewhere?

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,
(Goodbye)
It was always you I despised.
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh no,
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,
Goodbye

Running Up That Hill - Faith and the Muse (Kate Bush cover) (YouTube)

It doesn't hurt me.
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?

Runs in the Family - Amanda Palmer (YouTube)

All day I’ve been wondering what is inside of me, who can I blame for it

I say:

It runs in the family, this famine that carries me
To such great lengths to open my legs
Up to anyone who’ll have me
It runs in the family, I come by it honestly
Do what you want ‘cause who knows it might fill me up

S.O.S. (Anything But Love) - Apocalyptica feat. Cristina Scabbia

So go on infect me
Go on and scare me to death
I’ll be the victim
You’ll be the voice in my head
You could give me anything but love

Sanctuary - Utada Hikaru (YouTube)

snwod dna spu ynam oS
My heart's a battleground
snoitome eurt deen I
wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I
snoitome eurt deen I

You showed me how to see
That nothing is whole and nothing is broken

She Don't Want The World - 3 Doors Down (YouTube)

This love she feels, everything she's ever known
Or ever thought was real
Seems like it's been thrown away now, how's she gonna live...
It's okay, she don't want the world.

Shut Your Mouth - Garbage (YouTube)

I hear you say it
Play it smart girl
Win the game love
Give 'em what they want
What they want to see and you could be a big star
You could go far
Make a landmark
What have you been reading, you smart girl?

Sie - Herbert Grönemeyer (YouTube)

Sie sieht in ihm den Filmriß
das Leben aprupt gestoppt
kann mit niemandem darüber reden
das macht sie bekloppt

Es liegt Ewigkeiten zurück
gelähmt
panisch als passiert es ihr jetzt
gegenwärtig sein stierer Blick

[he ripped the film for her
her life stopped in its tracks
and there's no-one she can talk to about it...
it's driving her mad

a lifetime ago, but the panic
and paralysis are still gripping her now
the mad stare, clenched-up fists, panting stale breath
are still here, and she's still in his power]

Smalltown - Chumbawamba (YouTube)

All your nights are sleepless
Poison arrows
To ruin your tomorrows
Below suspicion
Cafes full of people dressed as spies
And all I know ?
Is guilt for being different ?

It's always raining stones ?
There's a killer in the home

Solitary Ground - Epica (YouTube)

Living at different places
Evading into various spaces
My compass has broken
I'm losing the way
An ongoing madness has led me astray

My past breathes down my neck
And it seems now that all I can do is
Go back to beginnings when all lay ahead
A fading illusion now plagues me instead

Solitude Standing - Suzanne Vega (YouTube)

Solitude stands in the doorway
And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette
By her long cool stare and her silence
I suddenly remember each time we've met

And she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame

And she says "I've come to set a twisted thing straight"
And she says "I've come to lighten this dark heart"
And she takes my wrist, I feel her imprint of fear
And I say "I've never thought of finding you here"

Straight Lines - Suzanne Vega (YouTube)

But there's a sound
Across the alley
Of cold metal
Too close to the bone

And you can see
If you look in her window
The face of a woman
Finally alone

The Stranger - Billy Joel (YouTube - Live)

You may never understand
How the stranger is inspired
But he isn't always evil
And he is not always wrong

Studying Stones - Ani Difranco (YouTube)

I am out here studying stones
Trying to learn to be less alive
Using all of my will
To keep very still
Still even on the inside
I've cut all of the pertinent wires
So my eyes can't make that connection
I am holding my breath
I am feigning my death
When I'm looking in your direction

Suicide Note - Johnette Napolitano (YouTube - Torchwood fanvid)

I wanted to believe
As I watched your world
Crumble in your hands
I wanted to believe
As you raised your glass
To your last stand
And I wanted to believe
You would win
The war in your head
That I did not understand

Swallow - Emilie Autumn (YouTube)

I don't want to be a legend
Oh well that's a god damned lie - I do
To say I do this for the people
I admit is hardly true
You tell me everything's all right
As though it's something you've been through
You think this torment is romantic
Well it's not except to you
Twenty years
Sinking slowly
Can I trust you?
But I don't want to

Swan Dive - Ani Difranco (YouTube - Live)

I teeter between tired
And really, really tired
I'm wiped and I'm wired
But I guess that's just as well
Cuz I've built my own empire
Out of car tires and chicken wire
And now I'm queen of my own compost heap
And I'm getting used to the smell

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - Eurythmics (YouTube)

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for somethin'

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Synapse - Bush (YouTube - Live)

Razorblade suitcase
All the tricks of the trade
Favourite ways you can lose
Favourite ways you can hate

Hell is where the heart is
Synapse again
Nothing more I can do
I haven't done again

The Tower - Vienna Teng (YouTube - Unrelated Fanvid)

Reach out but hold back
Where is safety?
Reach out and hold back
Where is the one who can save me?
Where is the one?

I need not to need, or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need, I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow
The danger and the power, the friend and the foe

Untouchable - Garbage (YouTube - Unrelated Fanvid)

This is nothing new to me
It takes more than what you've got
To frighten me
I'm not scared of you
There's nothing you can do
Or take from me

Virginia Woolf - Indigo Girls (Box.net - download)

They published your diary
And thats how I got to know you
The key to the room of your own and a mind without end
And here's a young girl
On a kind of a telephone line through time
And the voice at the other end comes like a long lost friend
So I know I'm all right
Life will come and life will go
Still I feel its all right
Cause I just got a letter to my soul
And when my whole life is on the tip of my tongue
Empty pages for the no longer young
The apathy of time laughs in my face
You say each life has its place

We're All Mad - Natasha Bedingfield (YouTube)

Sometimes I think I over analyse
As if I can control the time and place
Life isn't something you try on for size
You can't love without the give and take

Who's to say that darkened clouds must lead to rain?
Who's to say that problems should just go away?
Who's to point a finger at what's not understood?
Because

We're all mad in our own way

What if No One's Watching - Ani Difranco (YouTube)

you know I can't apologize
for everything I know
I mean you don't have to agree with me
but once you get me going
you better just let me go
we have to be able to criticize
what we love
say what we have to say
'cause if you're not trying to make something better
as far as I can tell
you're just in the way

I mean what
what if no one's watching
what if when we're dead
we're just dead
what if it's just us down here
what if god is just an idea
someone put in your head

The following people have contributed songs: aguynamedgoo, allfireburns, draegonhawke, starletfallen.